BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! Yes, we can and yes we will help provide that change by taxing only the richest Americans, so that they can no longer afford to eat fowl of any kind.
MIT ROMNEY: My friends, that one [the chicken] crossed the road because it recognized the need to engage in cooperative dialogue with all the birds on the other side.
BOB BARR: I am going to send that chicken a message here in Georgia.
JOE BIDEN: I would feel honored to serve with that chicken regardless of what road he was on, and he is more qualified than I to cross that road again.
SARAH PALIN: Because, Dernit, that chicken is just like me and all the other mavericky pit-bull hockey moms trying to get home to their Joe Six-Packs.
HILLARY CLINTON: As a chicken she has been a second-class path-crosser all her life. When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross a road and achieve her full potential. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me or big government.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken must be either on our side, or it is not. There is no middle ground there. Once it has arrived ... Mission Accomplished.
SEC RUMSFIELD: It's not my fault !
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken ... what is your definition of crossing?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken heart.
The Attorney General: It's not my fault !
CHARLES (show me the money) RANGLE: This chicken was unable to get a home, until it crossed over and got a zero down-payment loan, certified by the full faith and credit of my colleagues on the banking committee. There is plenty of blame to go around, but no democrat was responsible for the debacle that ensued; and I just want to say … it's not my fault !
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let that chicken cross the road, I am now fully against that precipitous action! It was the wrong road to cross then, as it is now; moreover, I was misled about this chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it unless conditions change in the future.
BILL GATES: I have just released e-Chicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents on the other side, as well as defrag checkbooks. Internet Explorer remains an integral part of e-Chicken 2008. This is an entirely new platform, completely stable and it will never crash. So, e-Chicken 2007 will no longer be supported.
The recently released tapes of STEVE JOBS: We have just released i-Chik ver 3.5.3.2.6 which fully integrates with i-duck 10.2.3 in providing you with a fully ambient condition. The previous versions of i-Chik will be reduced from $1499.98 down to $799.98 except on the west coast where tax, title and handling adds an additional 100 dollars to our cost.
MONEY CZARPAULSONGEITHNER: I propose a $700 trillion bailout for the middle of the road. In so doing, chickens everywhere may cross roads with renewed vim and vigor and Goldman Sax will be there to collect a fair and reasonable fee.
Chik Filet SPOKESCOW: Eat more Chiken !!!
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one? Get my Gun !
Name ExPUNGED for the RECORD: It's not my fault ! Full body scans and searches will be implemented in all public places to assure no chicken terrorists get away.
Monsieur GS HERRON: The Revolution will not be televised, not be televised, not be televised; it will be live brother, live.
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. COO -- Company Outings Organiser Tennis anyone ? CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. CmIO -- Chief misInformation Officer BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake luck for financial genius. BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance. MARKET CORRECTION -- What occurs the day after you buy stocks. |
BROKER -- What my stock consultant has made me. FINANCIAL PLANNER -- Someone whose phone has been disconnected. STOCK ANALYST -- The idiot who just downgraded your stock. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Last year's investor who is now in the nut-house. STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. HAIL MARY -- Standard Government Planning Procedure |
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex and the lawyers partition your assets among themselves. CASH FLOW -- The progression of your money down the toilet. WINDOWS -- Out of what one jumps when one is the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share. YAHOO -- What someone yelled after selling it at $240/share {what a difference a year can make}. PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use. |
"The heightened financial turmoil that we have experienced of late may well lengthen the period of weak economic performance and further increase the risks to growth ... at the same time the outlook for inflation has improved somewhat, though it remains uncertain," thus saith the Federal Reserve Chief (Remember, when Bernanke Talks, Markets Tumble).
... it is a little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages
“. . . how can you say . . .'Flee to your mountain, O bird . . . .' ”
In Him I take refuge
The Web site you seek Cannot be located, but Countless more exist. -------------------------------- Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return. -------------------------------- Program aborting: Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too much. -------------------------------- Having been erased, The document you're seeking Must now be retyped. |
Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams. ------------------------------ Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that. ------------------------------ Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone. ------------------------------ Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, But we never will. |
Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is down. ---------------------------- A crash reduces Your expensive computer To a simple stone. ---------------------------- Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has occurred. ---------------------------- You step in the stream, But the water has moved on. This page is not here. |
How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity -- from a Scouter in the underground
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a
hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten
over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. Tell your children over dinner. "due to the economy, we are going
to have to let one of you go."
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the Deming."
8. Dont use any puncturation marx oar sepll chek
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Sing along at the opera.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend
their party because you're not in the mood.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area.
Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won !
I won !" -- "3rd time this week !!!"
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name.
17. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot.
Yell "Run for your lives, they're all loose!!"
18. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity .. .. ..
Look for more pauvre humeur (as in «C'est un pauvre poète»)?
Please, try here
A computer was something on TV From a science fiction show of note. A window was something you hated to clean, And ram was the cousin of a goat. Meg was the name of a friend, And gig was a job for the night. Compress was something you did to the garbage, Not something you did to a file. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. Memory was something that you lost with age. A CD was a bank account. And if you had a floppy disk, You hoped it would not go out. Log on was adding wood to the fire. Hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived, And a backup happened to your commode. Cut you did with a pocket knife. Paste you did with glue. A web was a spider's home, And a virus was the flu. I guess I'll stick to my pen and paper, And the memory in my head. I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash, But when it happens they wish they were dead!
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and paper wasted on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing spreadsheets. Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer, Then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store, Only this; I promise, nothing more. Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing, Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more. But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token. “Save!” not so silently I pleaded, ”Please, save my data from afore!” One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more, Just, “Abort, Retry, Ignore?” Was I vexed by mere illusion, or maniacal intrusion? These were choices undesired, ones ne'r faced before. Carefully, I weighed the choices, whilst the disk made impish noises. The cursor flashed, insistent; waiting, baiting me to type something, more.... Clearly, I must press a key. Choose one and nothing more, From “Abort, Retry, Ignore?” With fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending, Longing for a happy end, hoping all I should see restored; Supplicant for any guarantee, timidly, I pressed a key. “Nooh” -- on the screen still there persisted the phrase sore. Ghastly grim it blinked, taunted and haunted, as before, Saying “Abort, Retry, Ignore?” I tried to catch the chips off guard, and pressed again, but twice as hard. I pleaded again with that detestable calculator: I begged; I cried: I promise, nothing more. Now in mighty desperation, randomly trying every Altaic combination, Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before. Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonstop and nothing more, Reading, “Abort, Retry, Ignore?” There I sat, distraught, exhausted; and, by my own machine accosted. Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor. And then I saw the dreadful sight: lightning cut through the night. A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core. This lightning zapped my well-thought data store. Lost, gone -- forevermore. “Nooh,” not even, “Abort, Retry, Ignore?” To this day I do not know the land to which lost information goes. To what virtual nether-world, is orphaned data shipped, stacked or... Is it beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, slurped into black holes? For as sure as there is C, plus Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more, You too, one day may these basic facts ponder, lost on some antediluvian shore, Still pleading; “Abort, Retry, Ignore?”
le 3 décembre 1973: Pioneer 10 effectue le 1er vol autour de Jupiter (en passant à 130 000 kilomètres au-dessus la planète). Pioneer 10, la sonde américaine, est la première a donner des informations sur de Jupiter. Lancée le 3 mars 1973, Pioneer 10 est devenu la plus ancienne des sondes interplanétaires américaines. Pioneer 10 disappeared into space in January 1998 (Kuiper Belt). As everyone may remember, some years later it is captured by the borg collective, who retrofit it for a return voyage to earth, renaming her the Borg-Ship Vegan, and hiding the craft in a comet. It is intercepted at Ice-station Babylon by the cast of the Starship Ænterprise, where it is diverted to Doone thru a staregait manœuvre. There, it is set-up at quai-ballay to be forever revered as the mother of all secret stones. At least I think that's the story.
Added a Taxing Poem on December 4, 2007 & a brie definition of the current economic outlook on October 8, 2008 {a.k.a. the October Surprise}. All else is from the pre-Y2K era, a gentle time. If I have offended anyone, mea culpa.